1. God is using you to shield your mother from evil attacks and, et al.
2. You have a hunger for something (a personal need, expectation, or want) and no one, not even anybody has been able to come to your rescue or help no matter how hard they try to.
3. The relationship was never healthy, spiritually and physically for you and you knew it yourself but......why endured it for so long?
Also, be mindful and careful of what you eat, drink, and why your hygiene, be intentional about your health.
4. I see reconciliation between you and Mr. J.
Bless you.
Jesus is Lord.