[ebankole]

Recipè For Lasting Marriage

A lot of people have made comments which has led me to
believe that they think I have had it easy in marriage, probably
because of the way I write. Unfortunately or fortunately
depending on your perspective; I haven't, My wife and I have
had our fair share of quarrels and disagreements, some of
which threatened the very foundation of our marriage; but
because we have God, love, tolerance and understanding we
always emerge stronger and closer with a renewed resolve
each time to stay happily together until death do us part. We
have always reminded ourselves that since we are in this until
the end, it will be foolish not to create a happy environment for
each other and the kids. I don't know what tomorrow holds for
us, but one thing is for sure, we will try to keep our promise to
each other that we will not let any issues derail our journey.
I am not perfect, I have made mistakes and will probably
make more, the important thing is to realise when you have
erred and genuinely ask your spouse for forgiveness. This is
extremely difficult for some men, but If you can be man
enough to kneel and propose to your wife, you should be an
even bigger man to go on two knees and ask for forgiveness
when you know you have hurt her. I have done it, and it
doesn't make my wife respect me less, I'd rather beg, be
forgiven and be happy than be stubborn and end up miserable.
Playing "the macho man head of the family" card when you
know you are wrong creates an irreparable damage which if
allowed to go on will ultimately destroy even the closest
couple.
After I got married 17 years ago, the first thing I did in my
ignorance was to immediately crown myself the undisputed
king and master of my household and demand total
submission from my wife. She resisted initially, but being
properly groomed, kind hearted and in love, she submitted
totally. I was elated, finally I have secured my kingdom. One
month, two months, three months, I became bored and lonely
at the top, I suddenly realized that I have lost my voice of
reason and my adviser. I quickly moved to remedy the
situation, but my wife had become very good and comfortable
at submitting, I became miserable. It took many months to get
her back to a point where she can again fearlessly oppose me
on issues, but with a subtle reverence.
Gentlemen, one of the biggest mistakes a man will make is to
marry a woman who will sheepishly submit to your whims and
caprices. A woman who will never oppose you or have an
opinion, a woman who is too afraid of you to speak out, The
day this happens is the day you become doomed to fail. A
wife is the only person who knows the real you, therefor she
will give genuine advise because your failure or success is
hers as well. If she has kids for you, it makes her more
passionate when protecting your interests because by
extension she is protecting her children's future.
A woman is very analytical, intuitive and possesses the best
character profiling abilities. I have a habit of inviting people I
want to do business with home so that my wife can scan for
possible hidden threats, she is almost never wrong. The few
times my ego blinded me to the veracity of her advise, I made
terrible mistakes which I have had to deal with to date. Listen
to her always, it will save you a great deal.
Your wife is not the enemy, when you exert too much energy
fighting her at home, where will you find the strength to fight
your many daily battles out there. Your home must be a
heaven of peace to ensure good health, happiness and
maximum productivity for both of you. It is completely okay to
disagree or quarrel, how you emerge from these
disagreements is what makes the difference between sadness
and Joy. You are the man, she knows this, she also knows
you are physically stronger, she may not tell you, she accepts
that you are the head of the family, so you don't have anything
to prove to her. She will still nag, accuse you or disagree with
you unnecessarily sometimes, all she needs is reassurances
of your love and commitment to her. Your patience will be
tested, as the leader you must teach by example and remain
calm always, avoid being drawn into arguments so that both
of you won't say things you will regret later. Remember
physical injuries may heal, but verbal scars last a lifetime,
when she throws tantrums or becomes annoyingly
unreasonable, treat her like a daughter who doesn't know
what she is doing, caution and correct in love. There is a
reason you chose her over all the others keep this in mind
always. You can always get a woman to do whatever you
want but you have to be patient, avoid fashioning your request
to look like an order, pamper her first , show her love, then ask
with a smile, she is all yours - Sir Stanley Ekezie